Why do most things have to be promoted as sexy to be considered a good thing? “Confidence is sexy” “Eating healthy is sexy” “Being yourself is sexy”. Does my entire life and everything I do have to be based around making your genitals tingle?
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me in 2011: maybe i’ll get hot next year
me in 2012: maybe i’ll get hot next year
me in 2013: maybe i’ll get hot next year
me in 2014: maybe i’ll get hot next year
me in 2015: i guess it’s not happening
working in the drive-thru
- me: and would you like a hot wheels or barbie toy with that, ma'am?
- woman: uh... it's for a boy.
- me: okay congratulations
- me: do you want a hot wheels or barbie toy
- woman: i want a boy toy please
- me: haha dont we all
- woman:
- me:
- me: so do you want a hot wheels or barbie toy you have to choose
DO OTHER COUNTRIES NOT DO THIS???
People make there tea in the microwave ???
How is that even…
How though? lol
The same way we make hot chocolate….
You make hot chocolate in a microwave? This keeps getting weirder and weirder…
wait how do you guys do it… im confused
3 things that makes me stress:
- hot days
- annoying people
- stand close to annoying people in hot days
There was this waitress and I stared at her for ages cause she was really hot, another waitress looked at me like ‘yeah I know she’s hot. Calm your gay’
- me: wow that person over there is really hot
- hot person: is that a potato staring at me
“if you’re straight then why did you say she was hot”
yo i’m straight not blind
One time a nun at my school saw a hot guy and said “woah God did a nice job on that one” and we all looked at her like ??? and she goes “I’m allowed to look at the menu I just can’t order”
Brief Conversation With a Vanilla Friend (Who's Also Somewhat Slutty, and I Love Her)
- <p> <b>Friend:</b> "So it was the same guy - remember that hot Puerto Rican from, like, two years ago? He was there!"<p/><b>Me:</b> "Shut the front door. You... did... NOT."<p/><b>Friend:</b> "Hell, yes I did! He's hot! But it got kinda weird for a sec..."<p/><b>Me:</b> "Weird how? The nipple rings?"<p/><b>Friend:</b> "Shut up! No... He wanted me to give him head... which, you know, of course...<p/><b>Me:</b> "Of course."<p/><b>Friend:</b> "But he kept pushing my head down..."<p/><b>Me:</b> "Right..."<p/><b>Friend:</b> "No, like hard."<p/><b>Me:</b> "Right..."<p/><b>Friend:</b> "Like... I almost couldn't breathe."<p/><b>Me:</b> "Right..."<p/><b>Friend:</b> "So I told him I couldn't breathe, then he said... he said, 'I wanna hear you gag on my cock'"<p/><b>Me:</b> "Right..."<p/><b>Friend:</b> "..."<p/><b>Me:</b> "..."<p/><b>Friend:</b> "OH, MY GOD. You like that shit don't you?!"<p/></p>
- "I've created a sauce. Its hot. What should I call it?"
- "What about hot sauce"
- "Gary you've done it again you fuckin genius. Here are my keys. Go fuck my wife"
